A note to my LOVE!

I know things were not at all going good. I know you are totally frustrated by the way I was fighting with you just for everything. I know that there were several issues between us that were left unresolved. But I just want to go back. I want to LOVE you the way I used to. No complaints, no demands. I know my words don’t have enough weight in them now. I know I have been crossing limits. But I sincerely want to be with you. And I don’t want to add up to your problems too. We both are quiet adamant because of our very nature. We both want to be independent. But I know we both love each other too. I don’t know what has affected our relationship so seriously that even we fail to talk sometimes. I assure you on my part that I will be with you. I have become my own enemy. Just because of you, I have started loving me. You’re my inspiration always. Because of you I started performing better in my academics. Because I wanted to be deserving for you. Maybe I shouldn’t mention but I got so called ripped only because of you(don’t take it otherwise). You are my inspiration. If you will not be with me, then I will loose my Energy, my Shakti and my inspiration. I don’t know for what reasons I forgot that I can’t even live without you. I forgot that even you could go away from me. That’s why I tortured myself when you went away. And I thought that it was because of my illegitimate demand of getting more close to you that you went away. And I was right even, but I never expected that you will go away. I have realised that my overreach is hurting both of us. I will try to behave as ‘human’ as possible. Maybe I am human only, that’s why I have these urges, anger and fear of losing you. I want you to be with me, and if anything comes in its way, I want to kill that before it becomes a fear in me of losing you. That’s why I adopted Brahmacharya without discussing with you forcefully. You have spent more time on this earth than me and I believe that you know more than me. I know you are on threshold of achieving your life goal. And I was just so stupid that instead of realising that, I was fighting with you on useless and irrelevant issues. I was the one who was disturbing you unnecessarily. I extend my unconditional heartfelt apology. I wish that I didn’t behaved so rudely with the love of my life. But I can’t go in the past. I really cherish what I have. I have extreme love and affection for you embedded deep in my heart. I accept responsibility for all the things that have gone bad to worse between  us. I have realised now that more than me, my love, my care what you need is TIME. Because this time won’t ever come back. You might not ever get a chance again to prove to yourself your worth. You are a priceless gem. And I am extremely lucky to be with you. I will do my best that I won’t be taking your time because really this time won’t ever come back. I will be as sincere and disciplined as possible.  I know I let down myself but I also know that I won’t let you down now. I will be with you. This is my sincere promise. I will try to abide by it. At last, I want to say that I LOVE YOU, NOW & ALWAYS.

As You Wish!

6 months would have completed today. And you probably know what I am talking about, right? Maybe it was my fault day before yesterday, but I never meant to hurt you. Hitherto I have loved you as my alter ego. I never saw you as if you’re someone else, but my own. Maybe it was my fault that I had too much faith in ‘god’. I didn’t do anything intentionally but still you ran away. Yes, I saw your status in which you mentioned that I probably lost my REPUTATION. I never meant to build a reputation in front of you, and I still don’t intend to. You just ran away crying and didn’t picked my phone that night, nor even after that. It is highly probable that your ‘I’ ran away but I fail to understand that why you failed to communicate? Maybe I did a crime for which you have decided to go away. You have given me this beautiful gift of ‘break up’ on completion of six months of probably the best time of my life. Thank you for the time as well as your gift. If its your wish to continue in your life without my presence, I won’t be saying a word to you from now. You know why? Because this would be the last time I am falling to this beautiful trap of  ‘LOVE’. I am afraid that I will turn into a misogynist. But my faith is ‘Avichal’. And if you’re not probably my ‘parvati’, then this points out that I am not ‘Shiva’. But I am not going to stop my hot pursuit. If you want to go, you can. Probably you already have left. But whatever I did and whatever I will do in my life was not to build any reputation. I did and will do what I love. And my love for you was pure, innocent and impeccable. But that’s what I felt, you have right to interpret the way you like it, probably in your way of negativity. I won’t be open to any explanation from now just like you don’t want to listen to me and be empathetic. I have no right to suggest you anything from now, but just don’t throw away the ‘pieces of paper’ I gave to you in which I poured my heart out. Burn them or tear it down so that you won’t ever be able to see my love for you. You might hate me, but you are beautiful. I never met such a beautiful soul but you’re always acutely cynical about me and my actions. Despite several attempts, I failed to convince you of your importance in my life. You are talented; don’t let your negativity stop you fostering your talent. Don’t be sceptical about yourself as you’re for me. Wishing you all the very best in your life. I never wished this to happen, but I have to respect your decision. You are independent; believe in yourself. You’re my ‘Archita’, and you are meant to be worshipped. Maybe I am a sinister. And yes, you can definitely talk to anyone without thinking of ‘dirt’ like me, whom you thought never trusted you. I am open to interpretation after all. You can make your project with anyone you like to, not with someone as unskilled as me. You probably have good friends who will help you out. Yeah, that was sort of a scoff, my last one probably. Not ‘AVI’ anymore, lest being anyone’s else.